 with
guests:
Ivan & Sophia Harper
Sophia: I remember, when I was about nine or ten years old, sitting at the feet
of my kokum (grandmother) while she sewed her moccasins. She used to tell me all these things
when I was just a little girl. "You know, when you get married," she
would say, "you stay with him ... you stay with your husband until you
die."
At first it was our daughter that brought Ivan and I together. But it took me a long
time to trust him when we got married. From past issues it was really hard for
me. And I always waited for him to trip up and prove to me that he
was just like anyone else.
But seeing the change in him, through Jesus Christ, really made me see that
Christ was real. Then I started to trust in him, but I always held back a
little, because I was always scared to get hurt. And there were a lot of undealt
issues that we just kind of covered up.
Then my trust and my love started to deepen for Ivan as the years went by. It
was at a Marriage Encounter weekend when he recommitted himself to me. That showed
me that he loved me, and it was really powerful because I always felt maybe I
was not fully 100 percent lovable. I thought that I had to do a lot of things
for him to love me.
God showed Himself, in love, through my husband. So the closer we got to God,
then when we came together, it was a real love ... a love that I never had felt
before.
Ivan: I didn't really know how to be a father or a husband. But when we got
involved in the church I learned a lot from all the men. And I'm still
learning today. Not too long ago we went to a marriage conference and we were
able to deal with some issues in our hearts. I realized that I was still
attached to my mom in a lot of ways for emotional support.
So I recommitted myself to Sophia. She wanted to be a support to me but
I was rejecting it. Especially with deeper issues I found that it was hard to
let her into that, into those areas that I had kept to myself for many years. I
was afraid to allow her to come into that world of pain and to trust her that she wasn't
going to say, "Well, get over it," or "Oh, that's
nothing."
I needed to let go of that pride and let the Lord into that pain to bring
healing, and to have a heart that is willing to be humble enough to be trusted.
And she supported me, and she supports me to this day. We still walk through
things, and she's there for me.
I believe my insecurity had something to do with not growing up with a
father. It affects how you look at God -- God the Father. I've had to really
really work at believing what the Bible says, and not get this picture that God
comes and goes, you know, when I'm bad. I now can experience the Lord always
being there.
It was about two years ago that it really hit me that I didn't know my dad.
For a number of days I was very depressed and cried, and the Lord brought some
healing to my heart. It had been affecting how I raised my kids. There would be
times when I'd shut my self off emotionally from them, just isolating myself.
One day I remember sitting there and my kids came running to meet me when I had
come home from work. I thought to myself, "Why do these kids come running
to me? Why do they love me?"
Since then there's more openness between me and my kids to accept their
love and to love back in a deeper way. And when kids see a mom and a dad who
love each other so much ... that's what we try and do in our home, to show
them how much we mean to each other. We want them to see that someday when they
get married, this is the way it should be. I think this is all God's plan for
a family.
Sophia: It's possible to make things go if you allow Christ to lead you. When I
look back to our lives, what we tried to do on our own just doesn't work. It
only worked when we put Christ first and set aside our selfish wants ... and
looked beyond our partner and looked to Christ.
What God wants is opposite to what the world thinks. He wants us to love our
partners and support them ... not to walk away like so many people want to do.
But if you stay, God will bless you for your obedience to the vows made in
marriage to your partner ... and to His command to love him or her.
What you've just read was adapted from a television broadcast of Tribal
Trails. We would be happy to hear your response. Please contact us.
To meet more people like Ivan and Sophia -- Native North Americans whose lives have
been changed by Jesus Christ -- be sure to tune in to Tribal Trails each week.
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